Laid-Off, Now What?: Lessons I Learned From Recruiting for Myself

This post is part of a three-part series on my experience getting laid off as a recruiter. You can find part one here and part three here.

As I made my way home on that Tuesday afternoon, with the remnants of my former work life packed up in a cardboard box, I remember passing by a McDonald’s. I stood in front of it for a few minutes, debating whether I should bury my misery in an obscene amount of food or keep walking.

I chose the latter. At the same time, I made a commitment to myself that I would start my job search ASAP. I was a recruiter, after all, so I knew a thing or two about finding new opportunities.

So as soon as I got home, I put myself to work and started ‘recruiting for myself’.

I’ll admit, recruiters are in a privileged position when it comes to job hunting. We tend to have large networks, visible profiles, and we’re highly adept at LinkedIn sleuthing. We know all the ins and outs of the recruitment process and can figure out who’s actively hiring and what they’re looking for quite easily.

So I took advantage of my skillset. The first thing I did was start writing down everything I accomplished in my past role. Since my exit was unexpected, I didn’t have any data on hand or examples of my work and the projects I had supported, so I reached out to my former colleagues to verify what I had done. It also helped that the layoff was still fresh so my former colleagues were willing to answer my relentless questions.

I then put together a spreadsheet of all the places that were hiring, their hiring managers, the employees most likely to be a part of the interview process, and who I would need to connect with right away. If I wasn’t personally connected to anyone on that list, I would ask people in my network if they could connect me.

I even reached out to my former manager. I knew that he was just as blindsided by my layoff as I was, so when he offered to help me out with my job search, I felt comfortable taking him up on it. I asked for references, recommendations, introductions to hiring teams — anything that would help me land on my feet.

When I finally secured a new position, just three weeks after getting laid off, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief.

No more worrying about whether I’d be able to pay my bills, or if I’d have to take out a loan or ask friends and family for financial assistance. I landed a great job with a great company.

And I was happy. At first. Then something started to change.

I missed my old colleagues. I missed the inside jokes and the shared programs we built together. I could feel myself starting to retreat. I wasn’t taking control over my work the way I usually do or setting up chats with people across the organization to get to know them better. I just didn’t care as much.

I never quite found my footing and after three months, I resigned.

Why? Because I didn’t give myself enough time to process what happened to me

Getting laid off is a traumatic experience that can cause serious emotional and physical effects. One study even found that it can take as long as ten years for an employee to trust an employer again after experiencing a job loss.

Something I loved doing was taken away from me abruptly and without my choice. I didn’t just lose my job that day. I also lost a huge part of my social network. As a recruiter, my job is highly interactive and I love that about it. When I’m at work, whether it’s in meetings or casual chats in the kitchen, those are the interactions I look forward to the most.

Starting over just three weeks after losing so much was simply too much for me to handle, and eventually, the emotional and psychological fallout became too hard to ignore.

Looking back, would I have handled it all differently, to avoid quitting a great job with a great company just because I wasn’t emotionally ready to be there? To be honest, no. I didn’t have the choice to not work. I had bills to pay after all. As the old saying goes, hindsight is 20/20.

For example, I now have a “just in case of layoff” savings account that I can use as a financial safety net. Going forward, if I do ever have to go through this experience again, there are a few things that I would do to make sure I was in the best possible position to start over.

I would ask myself if I’m really ready to start my next opportunity.

Even though I was physically prepared to jump back into the job force, mentally and emotionally, I wasn’t quite there. Losing a job is not unlike losing a loved one and it can take time to move through the stages of grief and reach the point where you’re ready to accept the situation and move on from it.

Rather than pressuring myself to be productive while my brain was still in shock, if I were to be laid-off again, I would take the time to process my feelings and give myself a little me-time before preparing for my next role.

I would take advantage of the financial programs and resources available to me

At the time, I let my own shame hold me back from accessing resources that could have helped me. Unfortunately, I wasn’t alone in my thinking. Many people have a negative perception of unemployment.

Now I know that there is absolutely no shame in applying for Employment Insurance or any other type of financial assistance program. Layoffs can happen to anyone, at any time, and seeking help isn’t a failure.

I would be kinder to myself

If a friend had gone through a similar experience, I wouldn’t hesitate to do anything I could to help them. So why didn’t I extend that same kindness to myself? As Dr. Kristin Neff, the world’s foremost expert on self-compassion, explains: “We fall into the trap of believing that things are ‘supposed’ to go well and that when we make a mistake or some difficulty comes along, something must have gone terribly wrong.”

That feeling that certain things “shouldn’t” be happening leads people to feel ashamed and isolated. When we practise self-compassion and treat ourselves with the same kind of kindness, care, compassion, as we would treat those we care about, it opens the door to grow from negative experiences.

If I ever get laid off again, I won’t beat myself up or let uncertainty and stigma hold me back from getting the support I need. Instead, I will tell myself that I’m worthy of time and care and remember that setbacks are a normal, messy part of being human.